Every night I watch the news and witness crowds of migrants wasting their days away climbing into the back of lorries only to be removed 30 yards further on.
The delays caused to genuine travellers and businesses is proving to be serious pain in the butt.
For weeks, thousands of lorries were parked on the M20 getting absolutely nowhere (It looked much like the M62 near Leeds does every morning..)
Now I do feel sorry for some of them but they can’t all come to Britain and live off our creaking benefit system. I mean they’ve made it to France – what’s wrong with staying there?
The British government are trying to help by building bigger, longer and sharper fences.
This isn’t working.
We could clear this problem up in a couple of days..
Firstly we hire a few hundred lorries from Eddie Stobart or our old friend Norbert Dentressangle.
Organise some soldiers in plain clothes to drive them.
Next we put a few empty cardboard boxes in the back, maybe a few crates of water and a selection of sandwiches – nothing that would spoil. Check the back doors are locked, but not too tricky to open.
Now, as we send these trucks into Calais, we make sure the refugees have plenty of chance to jump on board. Create a couple of small staged diversions for the customs officers and police.
The illegal immigrants’ will be on board before you can say ‘Any asylum-seekers to declare?’.
Once we have a good load, just pop the lock back on and yes, you’ve guessed… about turn.
A few days later, with our lorries now nicely back in Northern Africa, we open them up and usher out our passengers.
To enhance their experience we could build a set of a London street with a couple of black cabs and a Routemaster or two.
Their faces would be a picture as the reality dawned.
It would be a few months before they made it back for another go.